1960. “Our government’s confirmed that there are a number
of Russian spies here now. If we're lucky, maybe they'll
steal some of our secrets. -- then they'll be two years behind.”
1964. “I went to my dressing room between shows and an attorney
for the NAACP was waiting for me. He wanted to know
why I don’t have any Negroes in my act.”
1968. “Bill Moyers asked me if I had read the Warren Report.
I told him I did. He said, ‘What did you think?’ you
know -- like we were discussing any other work of
fiction.”
1973. “Nixon’s the kind of guy that if you were drowning
fifty feet off shore, he’d throw you a thirty foot
rope. Then Kissinger would go on TV the next night
and say that the President had met you more than half-way.”
1984. “A Yuppie is someone who defines courage as eating
in a restaurant that hasn't been reviewed yet.”
1987. “George Washington couldn’t tell a lie. Nixon couldn’t
tell the truth. And Reagan can’t tell the difference.”
1988. “You all remember Kent State, don’t you? That’s what
made Dan Quayle think of the National Guard as combat
service.”
1989.
“People are always coming up to me and saying, ‘My
kid is a conservative. How did that happen?’ I have
to remind them, ‘Remember in the 60’s when they told
you that if you kept using drugs your kids would become
mutants?”
1990. “Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives
feel they deserve everything they stole.”
2000. "There were four million people in the Colonies and
we had Jefferson and Franklin. Now we have over 200
million and the two top guys are Gore and Bush. What
can we learn from this? Darwin was wrong!"